The Misophonic Struggle

I composed this piece is 3 days at the beginnings of 2020. This is my second time exploring misophonia through music, this time focusing on how it personally affects me. Misophonia, which I deal with regularly, is a condition where specific sounds trigger a strong negative emotional response, almost like emotional pain. The problem is that it’s out of my control, so finding relief is difficult.

For me, everyday sounds like chewing, cutlery clinking, and even cats grooming are some of the worst triggers. These noises aren't just annoying—they spark a reaction so intense that I often need to leave the room or put in earplugs to cope.

Living with misophonia has a noticeable impact on my daily life. Regular situations can quickly become overwhelming, and I constantly have to be prepared with earplugs just to manage the stress these sounds cause. I tend to hide this condition from people. Although sometimes if there are surrounding sounds that muffle the triggers I can manage my emotional response.

In my composition, I try to express the unsettling experience of misophonia through dissonance. The jarring tones of the crotales and the tension in the strings reflect the discord I feel when triggered. The music is a way to share what it's like to live with this condition, offering a glimpse into the emotional chaos it creates.

My goal in sharing this is to raise awareness and understanding of misophonia, hoping to encourage more empathy and support for those who deal with it daily.

This piece was performed in 2020 by the Helix New Music Ensemble at Rutgers University.